It is a widely acknowledged truth that the only way for a hard conversation to be even harder is for it to happen at work. The other well-known truth is that some tough conversations at work must happen whether we like it or not.
You might be a manager discussing performance with an employee, an HR agent trying to break unfortunate news, or the average worker having to sort problems out with a colleague. Regardless of your situation or position within the workplace, you might find yourself needing to but not knowing how to have difficult conversations—and that is stressful, to say the least. The good news is, it doesn’t have to be that way, and we will show you how.
- Set the scene
In difficult situations, humans tend to be overcome with emotion. A tough conversation is one such difficult situation, so the first thing you have to think about is how to create the space for that emotion to be contained. Don’t just pull your chair closer to the other person’s desk—announce the meeting and its purpose, then book a meeting room or other similar private space where you can talk without interruptions or rush. This will create a safe space where both participants are aware of the situation and can speak their minds.
Pro Tip: For extra comfort, suggest getting a cup of coffee, tea, or a glass of water. Taking little sips and having a material object to hold onto can ease nervousness and take away some of the rigid atmosphere of the professional environment.
- Establish the subject
You may feel like starting the conversation with some small talk to lighten the mood. While that isn’t bad in itself, it might feel like procrastination on your part and increase the tension within your conversation partner.
With sensitive subjects, it’s best to get into it directly, disclosing and explaining the reason for the meeting from the very beginning. For this step, you could think about the three C’s of effective communication: clarity, conciseness, and consistency. Explain the subject matter clearly and concisely and avoid making between-brackets comments or sidetracking the conversation. Stay consistent, making sure your line of thought is linear and coherent. Most importantly, if you have any claims to make, support them with tangible proof, such as statistics, numbers, or feedback.
Pro Tip: Whenever possible, use I statements such as “I think,” “I feel,” or “I noticed.” That will help avoid accusatory language that alienates your conversation partner.
- Ask questions
The most crucial step in any conversation is to listen. Remember that there is always the other side of the story, and if you want to figure out solutions, you will want to hear it.
Ask your conversation partner how they feel about the subject of the conversation, what they think about the information you presented, and whether they agree with the claims. Ask for further explanations where you need to. Even if you don’t end up agreeing on every point, it’s always important to understand what your conversation partner believes in order to reach some kind of conflict resolution—especially in the workplace.
Pro Tip: Don’t fear moments of silence. If either of you need to think about your answer or analyze a reply, do so with patience. You can take notes as you process the information to ease your way through.
- Discuss solutions
Once you understand where the other person stands, you can start finding solutions together. If you started the discussion with a solution in mind, share it, framing it as a proposal rather than an authoritative statement. Say why you believe it could work and ask for the other person’s opinion. Similarly, ask them for their ideas. Showing and proving interest will help build trust and make you feel like you are a team, which is now more critical than ever.
Pro Tip: If you’re in a position to offer support—like access to a training program or facilitating a transfer—be sure to express your willingness to explore those options together.
- Wrap up
When the conversation draws to an end, you might be tempted to hurry out the door and decompress. However, it’s best to take a few more minutes and summarize the discussion and conclusions. Doing that will help fix the information in a clear, organized manner that will stay with you when you leave the meeting.
Pro Tip: If you feel like it’s best to just end the meeting, let your partner know you will send an email where a short summary of your conclusions will be written down, so both of you can have something to get back to.
Conclusions
Anyone can learn professional communication skills, and hard conversations are among the best teachers. Don’t fear them—rather, face them head-on, always keeping in mind that the person in front of you is a colleague, a team member, not an enemy. There is plenty to be gained from that mindset alone.
Lastly, difficult conversations are more efficiently navigated in person. If you work from home, consider booking a meeting room via WeWork. That will ensure you have the tools you need to communicate effectively and reach the best possible outcomes—and there’s coffee, too.
